The Last First Days of School

Every year I love seeing all the 'First Day of School' pictures of my friends' kids on social media.  It seems that back-to-school is a significant milestone every year... for us moms especially.  It marks the passing of time, shows the evidence of our children growing up and the reality of how fast these years indeed fly by.

This year, I've watched a few members of my sisterhood tribe send their kids off to college. Through the bittersweet, joyful, exciting and sad experience, I've seen them be brave but also mourn as a significant season of motherhood passes.

I have 2 years left and that familiar motherhood vulnerability is already rearing up when I think about my girls leaving home.

That vulnerability starts the day we find out we are expecting our first child. We enter into a sisterhood with our mothers and grandmothers, with women throughout time, with our Blessed Mother Mary.  A whole new set of emotional wiring, out of nowhere, suddenly comes online, fires up and starts to immediately change our hearts.  It's a fierce love, sacrificial for sure, protective, nurturing, championing and yet it also makes us anxious, exposed and vulnerable as our children's very lives, health, and safety have the power to affect and hurt us so deeply.

My daughters are 10th and 11th grade this year. They've already started to evaporate from our home and daily life.  My husband has traveled extensively for his job over the last 14 years so they have also been my sweet companions. Before they hit high school, they had a rotating schedule of who's turn it was to sleep with me and I so enjoyed our nightly chats before falling asleep.  We'd do girls nights out, shopping trips and of course their sports activities together during the week.

For years, I thought the constant shuttling every evening after work to their games, activities and practices would never end. Now I really miss the conversations and time in the car...how quickly perspective changes.  I'm trying to be strategic in seizing opportunities to engage but catching up with them is more challenging now.

I have 2 years left and want to savor the time but not hover, equip not enable, foster their independence and capability and not be a 'helicopter parent'.  I need the wisdom, experience and inspiration from my sisterhood tribe that has gone before me.  How do you do this well amidst all the conflicting emotions and the desire to hang onto them?  How do you encourage them to create their future when you see their potential while they are so focused on the here and now?  When to push and when to allow them to succeed or fail on their own?

The girls and I were recently at my aunt's cabin, which is actually another strategy...take my daughters captive and go out of town.  She was remembering her daughter's senior year and going through all the 'lasts'.  Back then, she kept asking herself "are the best years now over?" Thankfully, she looked me in the eye and said, "the seasons of motherhood change but the best years didn't end there."  I'm counting on this wisdom!

New Year’s Resolution: 5 Ideas for More Time with Girlfriends in 2013

New Year’s Resolution: 5 Ideas for More Time with Girlfriends in 2013

One of my 2013 New Year’s ‘Intentions’ (sounds more flexible and dynamic than ‘resolutions’) is to spend more time with my girlfriends.  I find that they challenge me, inspire me, renew my soul and make me laugh – all blessings that add to my positivity!   We are all busy and the weeks fly by so I’ve found that I need to be very strategic, a bit sneaky and add events to my calendar to make sure girlfriend time happens.  None of these ideas are new but when we are intentional and purposeful, we work harder to create and seize opportunities.  Here’s 5 ideas that up my girlfriend time! 

1.  Run a Race Together/Exercise Dates:  Races have become parties – put a few on your calendar with running girlfriends!  Not only are the clothing souvenirs awesome, but the after-party often includes live music, champagne toasts and free food!   The best part is you can chat and catch up during the entire race, enjoy the scenery, fellowship and exercise together.   Team Ortho races are outstanding,well-organized, fun, giveaway great race gear and medals with parties at the finish: 
 Team Ortho

I’ve also met friends at yoga classes - it puts the date definitivelyon my calendar and I look forward to it all week!  Who can you meet for exercise dates in 2013?

2. Help a Girlfriend:  We moved in 2012 and one of my girlfriendsblessed me by helping me pack up my kitchen. She even went over and above by loading all the boxes into her van, thenunpacking it all in our new place!  Welaughed, chatted and the time flew by! Such a generous act that makes me want to be on the hunt foropportunities to pay a gift of service forward to someone else.  Who of your girlfriends could use a randomact of service from you in 2013? 

3.  Serve on a Board together – One of my best friends travels extensively to Honduras leading medical ‘brigades’(mission trips) of US doctors and nurses who perform surgeries and providebasic medical care to the citizens of Honduras. She (RN) and her orthopedic surgeon husband built a surgery center onthe Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos/Friends of the Orphans orphanage property, whichraises, loves and educates over 500 children: Holy Family Surgery Center

I learned early on in our friendship…in order to get time with her, I had to serve alongside her, which is an inspiring privilege.  I hang around; hoping her goodness, faith and spirit to serve will rub off on me.  We are on the Upper Midwest Regional Board for Friends of the Orphans together.  Attending the board meetings and my volunteer work there takes on new meaning when I can see my dear friend at all of the events and meetings. Volunteering with girlfriends really gives you a double boost – serving a great cause and awesome connecting time! 

4. Girlfriend Getaways:  Make this a highlight of 2013 – plan a weekend away with your best friends.  No schedule, no running kids, just fellowship and fun!   The anticipation and having such a fabulous trip to look forward to will bring the group joy for months!  The trip will renew your soul and refill your emotional reserves, making you more grateful when you go home.  Last summer, a girlfriend hosted a reunion at her cabin in WI and invited the women from our Bible study that met 25 years ago.  All 7 came from near and far including Chicago, San Francisco and Colorado! It was a weekend we’ll treasure forever!   Here’s a prior post about making a getaway weekend meaningful and fabulous:   Girlfriend Getaways for the Soul

5. Host a Party:  Organize a fun outing, event, Happy Hour,gathering, or a party for your girlfriends!  In 2013, commit to planning something; maybe even make it an annual tradition.  This year I hosted a Holiday Happy Hour and invited my girlfriends, business and nonprofit associates and it was a festive blast!  I had several ‘mixers’ that facilitated them connecting and meeting each other.  Women so easily find commonalities and ways to make meaningful connections – foster this for your pals through hosting an event this year. 

Make 2013 stand out by intentionally investing time in cultivating your relationships with girlfriends.  It will be an outstanding year!    

Jami Pogue | www.linkedin.com/in/jamipogue/