Roller Coaster Ride Waiting for a Heart - 1A Time Expires

Its been a whirlwind month as Mark has been on the 1A top priority heart transplant list with Abbott Northwestern/Minneapolis Heart Institute.  Thankfully, life was busy and full to keep our minds and hearts occupied while we waited for the phone to ring.  Our teenage daughters were in the throws of their tennis season, our work needed tending to and a glorious autumn in MN allowed us to sail often.

Chanhassen Girls Tennis - A Great Distraction

As the days ticked by with no call, an alternative plan took root thanks to several chance meetings with fellow heart transplant patients who chose to move to other cities in order to better their chances. We also had several dear friends with medical expertise who spoke into this decision with us and provided valuable wisdom and guidance - so grateful to Sue Strobel, Dr. Kathy Waller and Tom Rath. A plan began to develop for Mark to move down to our condo in Florida and associate with Tampa General Hospital if his 1A time here in MN was unsuccessful.

Come to FL - Visitors Welcome! 

With only 4 days left on 1A, we received THE call last Monday that we'd yearned and longed for everyday....a heart was available and Mark was in the running to receive it.  For me, a volcano of emotions erupted with long-suppressed hope finally having a reason to emerge.  I'd spent so much emotional effort trying to stay in the moment and savor each day. We haven't had the ability to plan or think about the future these last 9 months because of the uncertainty and futility of it - better to make today count. The thought of him being restored through this life-giving rescue of a new heart opened the floodgates of hope for the future.  I couldn't hold it back even though we were told there were 2 other people ahead of Mark on the list.  He packed his bag, we waited for the call to head down (or not) and prayed that this would be his perfect match.

So determined and brave!  

It was a strange few hours - a middle place like nothing we'd experienced in this time of waiting.  I couldn't help but think of the donor and their family, their grief and sadness, wondering what happened.  Brave enough to press forward in donating their loved one's organs in the midst of their overwhelming loss. A stark contrast with my own building excitement and ultimate hope, tasting a bit of the gratitude and relief we'd all feel if this was it.  We were also mindful of the other 2 candidates and their families feeling our same inner pleading as we all waited to know who was to be selected. My mind and heart left the station thinking of all this could ultimately mean for our lives...possibilities opening up again, dreams pursued, freedom to travel again, health, relief, fears subsiding, walking the girls down the aisle, growing old together.  I didn't hold it back and when the call came that the heart went to one of the others, it was a long, hard fall back to reality.  It stung and I'm struggling to claw my way back to equilibrium.

In my disappointment and sadness, it has helped to pray for the person who did receive the heart a week ago today.  I think of him/her everyday, letting my feelings of happiness, relief and joy for them do battle against my despair.  Though anonymously, we join their ranks of support and love offered up for recovery, restoration, no rejection and the 2nd chance at life.  Please let this be us someday!

Mark's resilience and resolve truly set the pace for our family - enough crying already!  Onward!

http://jmarkpogue.tumblr.com/post/99339938501/plan-b

He booked a one-way ticket today for FL and he and Rico will head down on November 4th.  If you need a winter getaway, go down and hang out as he waits - free lodging and the beach!  Thank you to all who have been on this journey with us - your love and encouragement sure helps! As my best friend moves away, I'd love time with you!

Back in ICU but Top Priority/1A on "The List"

Mark's temporary home in ICU's VIP suite

Greetings from the Cardiac ICU at Abbott Northwestern Heart Hospital in Minneapolis - we're back!  Mark and I are enjoying a quiet Friday night together and feel at peace.  We'd been warned that he might be admitted again if the doctors didn't like what they saw after his scheduled procedure yesterday.  We both had a sense that he'd be going back in so he packed a bag and said a heartfelt goodbye to the girls when they left for school yesterday morning.  After the initial depression of being back in here wore off, we both regrouped and regained our hope....Onward!  Mark has been moved to 1A top priority on the heart transplant list so although his heart has deteriorated, he now qualifies for the most urgent category and can accept a heart from a 1000 mile radius.  The heart has to come from a person with the same blood type and similar body size.  Our beloved Cardiologist of 7 years, Dr. Scott Sharkey, said it perfectly last night..."you've been upgraded to First Class". 

Dr. Sharkey - We honestly LOVE him!

  
We are here with full hearts.  The 5 weeks Mark was home with us was an incredible gift - such simple, ordinary days when taken away - then restored - become precious.  We enjoyed family meals together, watched our winter TV shows, he took Reilly out driving then to Caribou, kissed the girls goodbye before school every morning, went to Mass...the normal flow of everyday life but in sharp focus and savored.  Living 'one day at a time' and trying to direct our minds to be in the 'here and now' only have been our saving grace.  Thinking about the past tends to bring on tinges of grief and sadness for what's now impossible and missing from our lives.  The future is full of uncertainty and many difficult days ahead.  With mindfulness, returning to this wonderful moment right now has been an anchor. 

We truly believe we have a reservoir of peace because of the love poured into our hearts to overflowing by so many of you!  Friends traveled from out of state to visit, meals were delivered with cheer and love, we celebrated our annual 'Winter is Almost Over' party with friends last Friday at our house.  Mark has received the most amazing notes - words of encouragement, love and hope.  Mark's boss, Connie, flew in from DC on Monday to visit and another Gallup colleague and friend, Shane Lopez, literally the world's leading researcher and author on Hope, came up from Lawrence, KS.  It was a thrill to see Mark so happy during these times ...animated, funny, engaging, thoroughly enjoying the moments and resulting encouragement from time with dear friends.  They gave us a break from the reality of this challenge and allowed us to forget for a time. We will never be able to repay this outpouring of generosity but know that it has sustained us, buoyed our spirits and gotten us through.  Please keep it coming! 

Our hearts are full as this season of waiting is coinciding with the season of Lent.  The last night we had at home with Mark was Ash Wednesday and we received our ashes together as a family.  “Remember that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:19)...true...but we're praying fervently for more time.   I also had a sense to pray for the donor and their family everyday of Lent as I believe the heart intended for Mark is coming soon.  That the time remaining will be meaningful and spiritually significant for the donor.  Will you join us on this Lenten journey and pray with us?  Your prayers, love and support add to our reservoir of faith and hope as we wait for Mark's new heart!  Please stay with us! 

The Downsizing Chronicles - Creating a Guest Bedroom

We hit another milestone in our downsizing journey this weekend....we now have an official guest bedroom in our 1700 sq foot home!  Thanks to the genius invention of the Murphy bed and my husband's handyman extraordinaire, we are ready for guests and our 'spare' bedroom has yet another function.  It already serves as my husband's workout/treadmill room and his closet. 

 Our teenage daughters share our 600 sq foot basement.  I know...in our culture this is highly unusual that kids don't have their own rooms.  We are lucky in that they are very good friends, close in age (18 months apart - only 1 year in school), and pretty adaptable and practical.  We told them that when they head to college in a few short years, they will be sharing a room with a stranger that is 1/2 the size of their current bedroom.  Good practice for them!

Their basement 'crib' includes a big screen TV, a huge, comfy sectional, a bathroom, large closet, plenty of room for friends to sleepover (Paige had a birthday party and 12 girls successfully slept over), hardwood floors and all their high school memorabilia. 

However, once in awhile, they need to escape each other.  Our 'guest' room can now serve as an extra bedroom when one has friends over, a quiet, study room when one is on the phone and a 'time out' when they are sick of each other.  This was our main motivation for buying the Murphy bed.  A secondary motivation is that my wonderful in-laws visit in the summer and we prefer them staying with us over a hotel.  Friends visiting from out of town - totally welcome!

We bought our Murphy bed 'kit/guts' from The Bedder Way - what a great name and company!

www.bedderway.com

It arrived in boxes and is quality, custom, construction - we are very pleased.  It went together easily and as directed.  We choose IKEA for the cabinet surrounds and mattress - much cheaper this way and matches perfectly! 

We've found that every room has to be multi-functional, every precious square foot has to be maximized when living in a small space.  We have no room for clutter - no tolerance for stuff we don't value and use regularly!  Less stuff = more joy! 

New Year’s Resolution: 5 Ideas for More Time with Girlfriends in 2013

New Year’s Resolution: 5 Ideas for More Time with Girlfriends in 2013

One of my 2013 New Year’s ‘Intentions’ (sounds more flexible and dynamic than ‘resolutions’) is to spend more time with my girlfriends.  I find that they challenge me, inspire me, renew my soul and make me laugh – all blessings that add to my positivity!   We are all busy and the weeks fly by so I’ve found that I need to be very strategic, a bit sneaky and add events to my calendar to make sure girlfriend time happens.  None of these ideas are new but when we are intentional and purposeful, we work harder to create and seize opportunities.  Here’s 5 ideas that up my girlfriend time! 

1.  Run a Race Together/Exercise Dates:  Races have become parties – put a few on your calendar with running girlfriends!  Not only are the clothing souvenirs awesome, but the after-party often includes live music, champagne toasts and free food!   The best part is you can chat and catch up during the entire race, enjoy the scenery, fellowship and exercise together.   Team Ortho races are outstanding,well-organized, fun, giveaway great race gear and medals with parties at the finish: 
 Team Ortho

I’ve also met friends at yoga classes - it puts the date definitivelyon my calendar and I look forward to it all week!  Who can you meet for exercise dates in 2013?

2. Help a Girlfriend:  We moved in 2012 and one of my girlfriendsblessed me by helping me pack up my kitchen. She even went over and above by loading all the boxes into her van, thenunpacking it all in our new place!  Welaughed, chatted and the time flew by! Such a generous act that makes me want to be on the hunt foropportunities to pay a gift of service forward to someone else.  Who of your girlfriends could use a randomact of service from you in 2013? 

3.  Serve on a Board together – One of my best friends travels extensively to Honduras leading medical ‘brigades’(mission trips) of US doctors and nurses who perform surgeries and providebasic medical care to the citizens of Honduras. She (RN) and her orthopedic surgeon husband built a surgery center onthe Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos/Friends of the Orphans orphanage property, whichraises, loves and educates over 500 children: Holy Family Surgery Center

I learned early on in our friendship…in order to get time with her, I had to serve alongside her, which is an inspiring privilege.  I hang around; hoping her goodness, faith and spirit to serve will rub off on me.  We are on the Upper Midwest Regional Board for Friends of the Orphans together.  Attending the board meetings and my volunteer work there takes on new meaning when I can see my dear friend at all of the events and meetings. Volunteering with girlfriends really gives you a double boost – serving a great cause and awesome connecting time! 

4. Girlfriend Getaways:  Make this a highlight of 2013 – plan a weekend away with your best friends.  No schedule, no running kids, just fellowship and fun!   The anticipation and having such a fabulous trip to look forward to will bring the group joy for months!  The trip will renew your soul and refill your emotional reserves, making you more grateful when you go home.  Last summer, a girlfriend hosted a reunion at her cabin in WI and invited the women from our Bible study that met 25 years ago.  All 7 came from near and far including Chicago, San Francisco and Colorado! It was a weekend we’ll treasure forever!   Here’s a prior post about making a getaway weekend meaningful and fabulous:   Girlfriend Getaways for the Soul

5. Host a Party:  Organize a fun outing, event, Happy Hour,gathering, or a party for your girlfriends!  In 2013, commit to planning something; maybe even make it an annual tradition.  This year I hosted a Holiday Happy Hour and invited my girlfriends, business and nonprofit associates and it was a festive blast!  I had several ‘mixers’ that facilitated them connecting and meeting each other.  Women so easily find commonalities and ways to make meaningful connections – foster this for your pals through hosting an event this year. 

Make 2013 stand out by intentionally investing time in cultivating your relationships with girlfriends.  It will be an outstanding year!    

Jami Pogue | www.linkedin.com/in/jamipogue/

What Do You Want More of in 2013?

At the very core of Appreciative Inquiry is the life-giving, foundational question:  What do you want more of?

As the New Year approaches, our resolution-setting tradition is an outstanding opportunity to focus on what will bring us more life, more joy, more happiness.  

What do you want more of in your life?  How can you make this happen in 2013?

Me?
More date nights with my husband.

More dinners around the table with all 4 of us sharing our days, thoughts and opinions.

More time connecting with my daughters - looking deeply into their beautiful eyes, undistracted, giving them my full attention, hearing their thoughts, being in the moment with them while I still have them around.

More time at Lifetime Fitness - I love my club and feel pampered and joyful being there!

More time with my girlfriends - they refresh my soul and inspire me to be a better person.

More daily Mass, especially at our amazing parish in Punta Gorda FL - as often as possible.
More marketing focus at work.

More vegetables, less carbs in 2013.

More time with my parents expressing how grateful I am for their presence in my life.

More simplicity, less consumerism - continue to embrace and maximize our downsizing lifestyle.  

You?  What do you want more of in 2013?  Would love to hear your comments and thoughts!  Thanks for reading!