Maybe Your Happiest Birthday, Mark!

First of all, thank you for fighting to stay alive!  Everyday we have is a celebration but this birthday gives cause to blow it out the top!  On your last birthday, you had the LVAD - the vital ball and chain you wore that kept you alive. Now look at you, with your new heart, better than ever, Mark 2.0!  I have to pause on this special day to reflect back to you what I learned about the depth of your character and God-given essence during this most incredible year.

Grit - 'courage of resolve, strength of character'.  You are the bravest person I will ever know.  I will never forget the girls and I arriving at Tampa General from the airport the day we got the call. You were pumped, 'let's do this' and celebratory even as you faced another open heart surgery. Is there a more extreme medical procedure than a heart transplant? No fear - bring it on.  Then our first sight of you after - all hooked up and tubes everywhere - you gave us a thumbs up through the window.  So many moments that you truly inspired us.    

Persistence: You never gave up, so rarely complained, obeyed every order from your docs and stayed the course.   Even amidst the many emotional and physical setbacks, you bounced back so quickly and renewed your resolve. I'll never forget our trip to Disney with the girls at Thanksgiving, LVAD and all the required equipment in tow.  You had to get your INR/blood levels checked on our way up to Orlando and you tried numerous sketchy, strip mall labs to get it done.  We finally just swung by Tampa General.  How many pokes, gallons of blood taken, handfuls of pills, 'vampires' visiting you at 5 am for blood have you endured - your body so invaded.  You persisted through a long, dark tunnel of suffering. You kept your eyes and heart fixed on the goal of getting a heart and the hope of living fully again.  It is a thrill to see you running again and ready for a 5k soon!

Humility:  You never lingered in 'why me' but with humility accepted 'why not me'.  You leaned in to this difficult stretch of your life's journey.  You made the most of each day, no matter how dark. You entrusted your body and health to the expertise of others with gratitude and awe of their talents and skills. The Ash Wednesdays were extremely significant - 2014 the day before you were admitted at Abbott, heart failing rapidly.  And 2015 at Sacred Heart parish downtown Tampa a month after receiving 'the beautiful heart'. You had lived in view of 'from dust to dust' and contemplated life and death, humbly trusting God with whatever you had left.  This was a powerful testimony to the girls and I and it spurred our faith.

Strengths: Your strengths sustained you as you battled, aiding you in navigating and enduring such uncertainty and fragility.  It seemed that they were operating at a basic level, pure in their form but mostly in the moment as futuristic visions and plans were not an option.  Fighting to stay alive leaves little room for much else.  The strengths I saw you operating out of most during the darkest times were Activator, Command and Self-Assurance - you did everything within your power to live, endure and persevere.  You took charge of your situation and were proactive.  You never gave up or fell into despair.  It was a thrill and relief to see your Ideation and Intellection return in the form of your sense of humor, facial expressions, funny imitations -   oh how we missed these!  And then the sheer novelty of being able to plan, dream and ponder possibilities again!

So, on this most special birthday, the girls and I send our love to you in Lincoln, on the doorstep of this amazing new adventure! I'm happy to journey with you through sickness and health any day! Whenever we need a reset, we remember 'we got a heart' and all returns to well in the next moment - you have given us this and so much more!   Happy Birthday!!!

Back in ICU but Top Priority/1A on "The List"

Mark's temporary home in ICU's VIP suite

Greetings from the Cardiac ICU at Abbott Northwestern Heart Hospital in Minneapolis - we're back!  Mark and I are enjoying a quiet Friday night together and feel at peace.  We'd been warned that he might be admitted again if the doctors didn't like what they saw after his scheduled procedure yesterday.  We both had a sense that he'd be going back in so he packed a bag and said a heartfelt goodbye to the girls when they left for school yesterday morning.  After the initial depression of being back in here wore off, we both regrouped and regained our hope....Onward!  Mark has been moved to 1A top priority on the heart transplant list so although his heart has deteriorated, he now qualifies for the most urgent category and can accept a heart from a 1000 mile radius.  The heart has to come from a person with the same blood type and similar body size.  Our beloved Cardiologist of 7 years, Dr. Scott Sharkey, said it perfectly last night..."you've been upgraded to First Class". 

Dr. Sharkey - We honestly LOVE him!

  
We are here with full hearts.  The 5 weeks Mark was home with us was an incredible gift - such simple, ordinary days when taken away - then restored - become precious.  We enjoyed family meals together, watched our winter TV shows, he took Reilly out driving then to Caribou, kissed the girls goodbye before school every morning, went to Mass...the normal flow of everyday life but in sharp focus and savored.  Living 'one day at a time' and trying to direct our minds to be in the 'here and now' only have been our saving grace.  Thinking about the past tends to bring on tinges of grief and sadness for what's now impossible and missing from our lives.  The future is full of uncertainty and many difficult days ahead.  With mindfulness, returning to this wonderful moment right now has been an anchor. 

We truly believe we have a reservoir of peace because of the love poured into our hearts to overflowing by so many of you!  Friends traveled from out of state to visit, meals were delivered with cheer and love, we celebrated our annual 'Winter is Almost Over' party with friends last Friday at our house.  Mark has received the most amazing notes - words of encouragement, love and hope.  Mark's boss, Connie, flew in from DC on Monday to visit and another Gallup colleague and friend, Shane Lopez, literally the world's leading researcher and author on Hope, came up from Lawrence, KS.  It was a thrill to see Mark so happy during these times ...animated, funny, engaging, thoroughly enjoying the moments and resulting encouragement from time with dear friends.  They gave us a break from the reality of this challenge and allowed us to forget for a time. We will never be able to repay this outpouring of generosity but know that it has sustained us, buoyed our spirits and gotten us through.  Please keep it coming! 

Our hearts are full as this season of waiting is coinciding with the season of Lent.  The last night we had at home with Mark was Ash Wednesday and we received our ashes together as a family.  “Remember that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:19)...true...but we're praying fervently for more time.   I also had a sense to pray for the donor and their family everyday of Lent as I believe the heart intended for Mark is coming soon.  That the time remaining will be meaningful and spiritually significant for the donor.  Will you join us on this Lenten journey and pray with us?  Your prayers, love and support add to our reservoir of faith and hope as we wait for Mark's new heart!  Please stay with us!